ramblings of a vagabond soul

Unable to sleep. Mind is racing. Late night thoughts- enjoy.

My brother refers to me as free spirit. My mother speaks of my unrelenting independence- and to illustrate her point, immediately tells the story about when I was a baby, not yet two, how I left our campsite, trekked the distance to the ocean, and never once looked over my shoulder for guidance or assistance. Other terms have been used to describe me as well, some vagabond, some hippy, some wonderer, some stubborn. I embrace them all fully, yet no one fully defines me. I cannot really explain the feeling I have on foreign soil. All I know is that I was just 15 when I first left my ‘nice’ American bubble and feel in fiercely in love. Not just with the country of Costa Rica, but with traveling as a whole. With the fascination that during one flight, your entire universe as you knew it will be expanded, challenged, destroyed, and you will be forced to look at an entire different world and thus develop a radically transformed worldview. The incredibly addictive aspect is the realization that experience can be routinely recreated and maintained with every journey. Over a decade later, this love is stronger than ever. I wonder sometimes if it was some adolescent phase that I’m perpetually trapped in, that I’ve never grown out while everyone else did. However, I remain completely satisfied with my decision to step outside the lines (was I ever really in them?) to stretch my boundaries, my experiences, my heart, my mind, my expectations. I know that these decisions will only strengthen me as a person, and therefore I am committed fully to being here in India. In every aspect. I know that the essence of my life consists in family, friends and loved ones, and yet despite the oceans that span between us, find comfort in the fact that they will always serve as my compass, my north star. That love and support motivates me towards the unpredictable unknown. I’ve come to receive each day for what it is, here in this time zone, in this zip code, and nowhere else. I know that the life I am currently living- however wonderful- is fleeting, that one day I will have far more structure and responsibility, and might one day even qualify as an adult (doubtful), yet this realization propels me to become increasingly committed to fully utilizing the time at hand. For the time being, I remain intrinsically bound to this lifestyle, determinedly embracing wherever surprises the road rolls out ahead for me. I enjoy the freedom of the single life, and thrive with the challenges and fears of living in developing country. I revel in being the person whose life plans, goals, and aspirations do not fit into the cookie cutter categories the majority of people fall into, and I seek to do that which I will not regret later in life. I look forward to forcing small children to listen to my tales of sleepy sunrises illuminating the Taj, shy smiles from Bolivian women over afternoon coffee, Serengeti Christmas nights in the company of lions and elephants, and countless other adventures throughout countless other countries. At the end of the day I plan to sit back and smile, completely content knowing that I never passed up an adventure. And the sum of all those individual adventures and experiences has morphed into me, has grown me, and has transfigured my entire being. That to me is life to the fullest, and how life should be lived- regardless of location. Therefore I will fully live this life the way God intended, not simply surviving, and follow this free spirit of mine wherever it may lead me.