lessons of india

My time in India is coming to a close, yet I feel as its hardly even begun. I guess this can be the result of the life’s steady march forward- coupled with the excitement of so many fascinating new experiences lurking around the next corner, simply waiting to be discovered and fully lived. Currently, I wish I could pause, or even slow time on a whim, just for the chance to take a deep breath, look around this country, and these people, that I have fought with, laughed with, and ultimately fallen madly in love with- and take a moment to memorize it all. Every detail and aspect and store it organized in my memory files, waiting to be pulled out and re-experienced with love and affection.

But alas, this is not life. I know my remaining time here will fly by. Everyday I get increasingly nostalgic for Cochin, for Kerala, for India, even though I know that my time and purpose has been well served. I’ll miss so much. I’ll miss the sensory explosion of colors, smells and sights. I’ll miss the lush greenery; I’ll definitely miss the never-ending scenery of palm trees. I’ll even miss the stares. Okay, maybe not the stares. I’ll miss our house- the view from our roof, I’ll already broken hearted with the pains of missing our Indian wonderful family. I’ll miss all the people, and the unforgettable bonds we’ve forge through such an intense and unique time in our lives.

India has been a lifetimes worth of knowledge and experience condensed into a whirlwind year. Not only was I able to dedicate all my time and energy here into that which I’m most passionate about, I’ve been able to realize and plan that I will be continuing this lifestyle throughout my entire lifetime, God willing. I’ve learned responsibility in a new manner, a manner that includes life and death and overall health. I’ve learned more about learning, and have accepted it as an essential part of my core being. I am a student for life, yet I also hope that I can always learn more than I could ever teach. I’ve learned to be excited about my work. I’ve overcome my fear and hesitation in varying situations. I have overcome the language barrier and can communicate fully despite poor Malayalam, slow English and wild hand gestures. I have spoken in front of 4,000 people, and lived to tell about it. I spoken freely about sex, about condoms, about disease- in front of countless people and all within a conservative culture. I have been successful in this, but I have still been nervous every time without fail before each programme. But I have remained focused on the most important goal of knowledge is education, and education is prevention. I have experienced the satisfaction of a job well done and the assurance that my work here will make a difference in the overall health of this entire beautiful country. I have faith in that fact. I have also come to terms with my smallness as a person, and accepted that fact that I am just one mere solider in an army of thousands. A force that I am proud to be part of.

My life this past year has been more than I could have expected, different that I was able to conceive of, harder than I was prepared for, and more phenomenal that I could have hoped. I feel free and content moving on to some other place, knowing full well that I have literally poured myself into life here. During this time, I’ve stopped apologizing for things I didn’t do, and learned to accept consequences for the things I did. I’ve explored every remote village India had to offer, to the southern most point, to the northern city of Delhi, the western beach of Varkala, to the extremely eastern and remote island of Andamans. Through this, I’ve fully embraced the chaos of public transportation, learned how to flag down a bus and jump on while it’s still moving, weave successfully through a massive unmoving crowd, sprint unharmed across 5 lanes of speeding traffic, sneak on trains and sleeper car, and subsequently, been kicked off (repeatedly). I’ve danced freely and proudly as much as possible, on our roof, in clubs, even to techco, all while surrounded by an entire different culture. I’ve fallen more in love with Indian food and culture, and especially the music. Kingfishers have somehow wormed their way into my heart. I’ve accepted being a minority, a foreigner, and have learned to remain comfortable in my own skin, regardless of the constant spotlight placed over my head.

I have remained fiercely in love, and find peace that regarding those that I love the most, distance does little to altert that bond, it only serves to strengthen it. I realize that I am exceptionally blessed because of this, and I treasure this gift like a rare jewel. I’ve continued to send countless emails to the man that I love, and have become incredibly thankful of the wonderful technology of skype that allows me to see my family and loves. I’ve met new incredible people, listened to many a heartache, identified and removed unrecognized stigma within myself and learned to accept and love all, regardless of status. I’ve learned that love is stronger that castes, than culture even. I’ve seen beautiful sights, met inspiring people and attempted to document it all on film- when and if I remembered my camera. I’ve agreed to spontaneous trips, I’ve traveled to remote villages, slept directly on a dirty hospital floor with 80 other women, spent time with tribal people, with HIV positive people, been covered head to toe in dirt in order to clean canals for people I'll never met, and taken trips to luxuries ‘western’ resorts just to get a taste of home.

I’ve been hopelessly lost, found and lost again in every possible way, yet I’m proud to say that I can successfully maneuver around the majority of southern India, and I believe, probably the world. I have laughed more and cried harder than ever before, both in public. I've been so frusterated I've burst in to tears or laughter, depending on the situation. I’ve ridden elephants and camels and accepted the life threatening journeys of auto rickshaws and motorcycle rides as completely common. I have been in, and survived more car accidents than every before, and completely overcame my lifelong fear of accidents. My ‘personal space issues’, even though I thought I never had ‘personal space’ requirements, have disappeared thanks to the crowds and masses constantly touching me. I’ve taken yoga daily- loved it- and completely surprised myself with all the poses I am able to twist my body into, and surprised myself even further by following the challenging path to becoming a yoga teacher. I served as a professor in a class where I was merely a student. I’ve spent too much on things I didn’t need, I’ve been ripped off by many an auto driver, was reminded that material possessions are meaningless and the best things in life are free. I’ve accepted that all I need in life fits comfortably inside my Swiss Army suitcase, and I could live out of it for an astonishingly long time. I've also accepted that the greatest shoes ever made are rainbow sandles, and wore mine daily. In this regard, I learned that dirty feet are a way of life, and washing feet is as common as washing hands.

I’ve learned how to successfully wash clothes by hands, and have the calluses to prove it, and grown to love ice cold showers straddling over the toilet. I’ve mastered the challenge of the squatty potty, and even prefer it to ‘western’ toilet because at least no one tries to stand on the seat. Yet, I always carry hand sanitizer with me. I’ve learned to cook (some), I’ve made ‘American’ food in a country that only serves rive and curry, but I’ve eaten an incredible amount of rice and curry, and therefore have an incredibly high spicy food tolerance. I’ve mastered eating without flatware, with my right hand, and worry that I will instinctively find myself reaching in with my hand at nice restaurants in the US. I’ve taken up the habit of spontaneously singing random songs thanks to my roommates. I've watched the entire Arrested Development series with my roommates during power outages. I have learned how to spell in British English, and spell program with an ‘e’ and organization with an ‘s’. I have learned to respect my Indian teachers and enjoy Indian classes, despite the stark contrast from all of my previous ‘American’ experiences. I’ve learned to sleep in until the last possible second and still make it to breakfast on time, just to get my morning chai. I’ve learned how to wear a sarree, with as much grace that I can muster, but have not learned the secret to how Indian women remain stain and wrinkle and sweat free in a hot, dusty (or monsoon) environment. I’ve been caught in a heavy monsoon rain- countless times- and loved it every time. I’ve learned how to sleep with the power off, and therefore without a fan in a room that reaches over 90 degrees. I've learned how to scuba dive, how to teach yoga, how to led HIV/AIDS prevention programs, and how to have meaningful conversations, even when you don't share the same language. I've learned that my UMB family truly is a family, and words cannot express how much each of them mean to me. I've learned that my biological family supports me no matter what, and will always be glad to hear me on the other end of a phone.

And what else have I learned from all this? What has been the point of it all on the grand scheme? I’ve learned that things take the right course all in due time, even if its much slower Indian time, and that they will absolutely be worth the wait. I’ve learned that if it doesn’t work out, something better will come along. I’ve learned how to live with people, and love them despite blaring personal differences. I’ve learned how to assimilate myself completely into a foreign culture and not just witness from the outside. I’ve realized that I’ve become a conglomeration of all the people I’ve met, and all the people I’ve loved, and I am so proud of this. I’ve been reminded that there are people I know that I will grow old with- that will be in my life for years to come. I’ve learned that my best friends probably know more about me that I know about myself at time, and love me regardless. And real love, real friendship, endures oceans of distance- and miles of shit- and persists and strengthens despite it all. I’ve learned to grapple with the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind, and realized that I myself am capable of both. I’ve learned to take the rights steps and proceed through the right doors, amazed to find that I am in exactly the place that I wanted to be, because I refuse to settle for anything less, I gave it my all. I have learned that I will leave behind a huge part of my heart when I leave this place, in addition to my work, and I trust that both will be sustained and strengthened to make a difference in the larger picture. I am going forth from here in victory, with my head held right shoulders straight. I have deeply loved this time in my life, and I thank you all for being part of it. Trust me when I tell you that it would not have been the same without you.