the evil monkey

We took a day trip to Munnar with our family this past weekend. It was Ingrid’s birthday and with the stress consistently increasing, we felt it was a good time to get away, even if just for the day. We rented the most uncomfortable vehicle imaginable and all 8 of us piled in with the driver. It was a wonderful day filled with mountains, tea, cooler weather and wild goats, monkey and elephants. One of the above almost gave me rabies. Not the tea, don’t worry. True story:

The last time we had an encounter with Indian monkeys was one of my very first days in India. We were ‘tagging along’ with another schools program, but the group was small, so small in fact that it only consisted of 2 students and 2 teachers. Our UMB6 quickly overpowered them, and in the course of talking to the teachers, found out that they so lovingly referred to their students as “Thing One and Thing Two.” Now that’s the kind of esteem and respect you hope to find in a potential future job reference. Anyway, long story short, we arrived at the waterfalls, and Thing Two decides it’s a good time to lean out of the window and take a picture. Bad, bad timing for her. Good timing for the monkey who had just made his own “Thing Two’ into his hand and was looking for the nearest victim to relive his excrement on. Thing Two, met number two. All over your arm. Needless to say, Thing Two did NOT handle it well, and it instantly became a classic story in our group. So this is my latest impression of monkeys, my first impression of the poo-throwing/candy-stealing monkeys my family encountered in Africa only served to reinforce my disdain and constant suspicion of the naked butt beasts. Not cute, not something I want to be friends with. Family guy nailed it with their portrayal. However, dear Ingrid did not share this viewpoint. We had stopped at some waterfall on our journey to higher elevations, and had gotten down to take some pictures. After a minute or two, Ingrid suggests that we go get closer to the group of monkeys on the side of the road. My first reaction was a strong empathetic no!, however, it was her birthday and she assured me that I would not get poo thrown at me. So we ventured closer. And a little closer. There was a little baby monkey that despite my hesitation, was rather cute. Two of the monkeys were wrestling with each other and in their play, also moving closer to us. Before we realized it, they were really close. Really close. So close they suddenly froze mid-play. As we locked eyes, I remember thinking “This isn’t going to end well.” Ingrid and I both had one of the slow motion moments where you know you need to react fast, but you are stuck in a trance. The two monkeys crouched down and I kid you not, started to growl at us. Never knew monkeys could do that, but I’m here to tell you it happens. And than they leaped off the wall. Charging directly at us. A thought crossed my mind about the 8 consecutive extremely painful rabies shots in my rear and how that would most certainly ruin the day for us. Ingrid however, reacted slightly different. She screamed. And not just any scream…three to be exact. Each increasing in volume, length and intensity. The last shriek may have had the ability to break glass. Around the 2nd or 3rd scream she totally pulled a George from Seinfield move and PUSHED ME in the way of the monkey charging us. Fantastic. I managed to pry myself from Ingrid’s kung fu grasp and started to sprint- arms failing like an idiot (or like pheobe) away from the rabies infected beasts. However, at this point, I lose my shoe. I look back to see lost shoe and two monkeys chasing us and get the terrifying realization that they just might pick up my shoe and disappear into the wilderness with it. And considering that I only have 2 pairs here, that would be bad news bears. So I turned around and started back with the decision that come hell or rabies, I was going to retrieve that shoe. Turns out, the monkeys were just as scared of us as we were of them, and immediately retreated. I retrieved my shoe and turned around to find that the whole country of India was staring at us. And laughing. And so we were. Laughing and trembling. Without fail, every time we thought about that for the rest of the day (and even now) we would burst into laughter. Definitely the highest of comedy.

The rest of the day was quite enjoyable due to the beautiful weather, beautiful scenery, beautiful company…and lack of infectious diseases.

in honor of ingrid, for pulling a 'george'

the actual monkey, seconds before he leapt off the wall towards me baring his teeth.